" Yet So"

Yet so far away, yet so close.
How can this be?
Someone so close to you.
Someone in your eyes are perfct, you look at him and everthing around you stops,
not a sound is heard.
Time seems to stand still.
Words in your mind, unable to speck.
You look around, you look at him, he is everything you have dreamed of and more.
You smile a smile that lights up an entire room.
Wanting to say what is on your mind.
Wanting to tell him what he is, means to you and only you.
How can one describe theses things?
Can it be put into words? Possable is this.
Feelings from long ago come flooding back.
For you are next to the one.
The one which you have been longing for. The one that ended your quest, then sent you back on your way.
Yet so far away, yet so close.
How can this be?



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Love what is it?

What is this feeling or emotion called love? The word itself is very over used peace of vocabulary . Most people assocate love with the word and with gifts or tangible things. Now don't get me wrong all of that is nice.
Love to me is much more than a word or a gift. It to me is also more than emotion or feeling. Love is what you do, and how u show it. Love can make you do some really crazy things but it can also make you do what seemed impossable. Along with love you have fear. Fear can also make u do so crazy things. But unlike love fear can cause love to be hiden from view. If you think about it what have you done out fear and whom have hurt because if it? Just think about it, we have all done that at some point. Lord knows I have. Now think about love, what have you done out of love not for it but out of it? In my case fear has pushed people away to many really. But love out of love I have changed, I have looked at the sarow and pain and have made go away. I have look at the face if fear pushed aside. I have done the impossable and am doing the impossable. Or what I though was impossable. In my quest with love I am not looking to win I am looking to over come so that not one but all can see how strong I am, and the one person that needs to see it most can see that love can over come anything. With faith, beleaving in ur heart, and love anything can happen, it's then that the impossable becomes possable.


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As I Sit

I sit here and think about the past few days. I can see that the lord my God has me in his arms. Altought I may mot be eatting I have since changed my outlook on that, I am fasting. By doing so It is allowing me to see and hear things that I have not heard. The lord has my hand and he is taking the lead, I have more than I can handle and he is guiding through it, he has showen me why my heart was on fire in my dream that I had he started the process there. My heart and soul must burn I must be reduced to the ashes from which I came in order to rebuild me so that I can have the thing for which I desire. I awake this moring with a since of peace and comfort. I have never felt so close to god in so many years. The love that I have not that I am letting Him in and allowing myself to love him I will be able to show that love to the ones that one matter most and two to all that I can see it. I can see that my next lesson that I have to learn is faith. Faith is something that we just have, but we do not bleave in it, if I am to let god bring me back to my love for which he gave to me I must have faith and began to belive that it will come to foristion not in my time but his time for I am not ready and the gift is not ready to recive that yet. I have made promices that I have all intenctions of keeping, I took my vowes to that person and I am going to keep them I am going to stay selabet till that day comes which I am so look foward to. And god is going to be with every step along the way. The figure that see in the far off distance is the one I am in love with, I beleave that to be the trueth, I have prayed about it and I have aske god to bring us back together. But for that to happen I need to give him what he wants right now and that is space. I know I will remind him that I am here that I love him and that I am looking foward to the day we will be one again. For that is all that I can do. I have to beleave that it will happen i need to have faith and begin to feel it in my heart. For with not feeling it I am still denying god the ablity to being it forth.

You know this could be so much worse, he could have died. Just cherash and be joyful that he is alive, and still cares the world for and beleave that day is coming that we will be together again just have faith, you prayed for it and god will give it back to you when you abd he is ready.

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Location:U,Fort Worth,United States

Wonder

I wonder, what it would be like to work for a compony that that actully cared and treat people they way that any human should be treated. I can only dream what that would be like. I get up every day and go to work even though I know that I am going to be treated without respect by my boss. I get up and go to work everyday only becouse right now I have other alternitive but to do so. I am not afraed to let it out, for I am getting to where I can not hold it in any more. As most of you know I work for one of the largest companies in the US. I make less than others doing my same job working for other compoanies. I have a very hard time paying my bills, putting food on the table, and getting the meds that I need for me and my partner. I have to miss doses or cut my meds in half just to make them last. Everyday I go to work I have fight for the hours that I have and to get just one or two more. My bosses lie to me everyday. I have been wrote up three times for stuff they make happen to see that you get into troubled for say in not so many words you did it to yourself. I see them giving favor to others and ack like it is the normal thing to do. In the past two weeks I have felt threatened unwanted and put in a postion that I have tell customers I cannot help them for fear of lossing my jod becouse I will go over my time by one min. When it's fine for other people to do so. I have seen people be told to do this or that and you will get more hours or so we can make you full time to have just the oppaset done, they get less hours and looked over. Have seen people put in for a new postion just to never be interviewed for it, and manament said thy did. Where I work has a great set of values only if they would follow them, this compaony would be great to work for too if they would follow the values that it was found on. Is there not anyone out there that can help us, seeing we can not seem to help ourselives?
I wonder what life would be like for me and millions of others that I work with if our voice was truely heard and treated with respect. I have always been told treat others the way you would want to be treated, would be so nice if that was true. I daer not say anymore.

Wake up people!!!!! If we don't we will always be walked over. I do hope that someone will come to our aid.


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Us

The other nite I whached this great show on the History channel called America the story of us. I loved it if u have not seen it u need to, it puts our american history in a new prostictive. It blows my mind that we are a people that given the right crcumtances that we can do just about anything. We all come from a line of people that can make things happen as long as we or yourself beleaves that it can be done. With a little hard work staying true to ones self and to god, we can make any thing happen. Even in today's time we can do this and we are doing it now. It is not to hard to see all u have to do is open ur eyes and see the chaleges that people are faceing today and how they are over coming what lies before them. It is a real motivator if u ever needed one. Exsample: did u know that the staue of liberty almost was not, it was the work of one man that came up with the idea of doing a fund raser to raise the money for the state of new York in order to reasemble her. He used his own busness to do it. Amazing I think. Then there are the ones that lived through the dust bowel and stod there ground and refused to leave like all the others, we have them to thank or we would not have the farms we have today feeding us and the world. So, if there are things in ur life u do not like then change it, stop crying about it. Only u have the will to do it, and if u do u will see that it will motavate others around you.


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Location:Home

R.I.P. My Sweet Angel

WoW, it has been sometime since I last sat down and wrote something. Well, I am sorry for the delay on writing, I just have not had all that much time. Now the one of the most important times of the year has pasted being Easter, I think I start getting back down to earth with you all. The insporation for this came to me just now seeing that I have a really heard weekend learning of the death of a really good freind and co-worker. Thous that read this I am sorry but I am not going to be naming her here, but I am sure that thous of you that i work with that read this will not have any problems figuering out to whom I speak of. 

She was a great insporation to me and many other that knew her. Her passing was very sudden and unexspected by many including myself. In this day and age you think that with all of the technolegy that we have that what happened to her could have been stopped. It really sadenes me so that doctors to day still relie on silly age limits to diagnose something. My good friend that passed on Friday April 9th 2010 had a form of cancer that is one of the most easiest to provit and treat if cought in the very early stages, but it can also be a silent killer for most doctors do not beleave that it can effict the young, that cancer does have a name it is called Colon Cancer. I have only known of one other person that was as young as her to have died from this and it was a cousen of mine that I never got the chance to meet for he was about the same age as she was and he past away about 2 or 3 years before I was even born. 

I have a great deal of sorrow in my heart, it as been sitting there since the news of her death was told me on Saturday the 10 of April 2010 around 7pm. I was in shock when Ron told me for just two day before we had found out that she had been give two or three weeks to live. She took it apon herself to shild us all from what was going on, for she wanted us all to remember her when she was at her best. She only found out about the cancer that clamed her life only a few months earlier. I remember many thing about her, and one of the favorit things is this. Not to long ago a movie was rerelased on to dvd, called Marry Poppens. (great movie by the way) in this movie the is song and in that song this phrase is said, "A spoon full of sugar helps the medican go down" she heard me sing that one day at work. Every time that see saw me and i was not happy or she need a smile she asked me to sing it.... (tears in my eyes). I miss her so.. and thats seems like it was only yesterday, that i did that, but I know it has been a few months. 

I know that she was had come to terms with what was going to happen to her in the end. For she stated it in her last blog that she wrote on her myspace account. It does ease the pain some to know that she was happy and at peace with herself, family, friends, and with GOD. She may have not been given a fair chance to fight the battle. I know that she did fight it with all that she had. God spoke this to me early sunday when going to work (tear filled drive) She may have not won the battle, But I have won the war for her, For see she is with me and No Harm Shall Ever Come Apon Her Again. When I came home from and very hard emotional day at work I had a peace about myself. I didn't say much at all, I ate my dinner, stared at her picture, took a shower. Then something told to look in the BOOK (bible). I was not sure why, but as alway I would know why when I came across it. I and sure enough I did. 

I am only going to write some of this not all at lest I hope, I guess we will see what God wants me to do. After about 20 mims of thumbing around the good book I came across PSALM 18. and I was shown something very dear that helped ease my sorrow filled heart. I felt theses word in my soul This is what is it is like, for have no worries my child.  

and i read this.. 

Psalm 18 (kjv)

1 I will love thee, O Lord, my strength. 2 THe Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation. and my high tower. 3 I will call upon the Lord. who is worthy to be prasised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. 4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. 5 the sorrows of hell compassed me about: the sares of death prevented me. 6In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. 7 Then the earth shook and trembled: the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, becasue he was worth. 8There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mounth devoured: coals were kindled by it. 9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet. 10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind. 11 He made darkness his secret place: his pavilion round about him were dark waters and think clouds of the skies. 12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire. 13 The Lord aslo Thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire. 14 Yea, he sent out his arrows and scattered them; and he shot out lightneings, and discomfited them. 15 Then the channels of waters were seen and the foundations fo the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils. 16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many water. 17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me; for they were too strong for me. 18 The prevented me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my stay. 19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, becasue he dlighted in me. 20 The Lord rewareded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.

Well I think that says it all right there. There is way more to that Psalm than that. But That was what i was compeled to read and to shear with you all. I know that there are many interpations of the word, but to me and what i heard in my soul today when I came apon this, to me this is about what she went through. In when she came to teams with her battle she had Cried out to the Lord and he heard her cry. This is how I know that she may have not won her worldly battle, but GOD one the war for her, and in doing so he called her home. 

I do not clame to know what death is like or what one may or may not feel when it happens, but from reading just that small passageed it gives me hope and it shows me in my mind that when we can no longer fight the battle the God our Lord with come down with a vingence and scoop us up, take us home and declear victory. If this is what death is like in a strange way I look foward to that day, For I know that She was victorius and so shall I. 

May Sweet angel may you Rest In Peace. I look foward to the day that we will all be there with you stand beside the Lord and our God.

Rant Rant Rant .....

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS SOLE MY OPTION AND MY RIGHT GIVEN TO ME BY THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA'S CONSTITUTION


Rant Rant Rant Rant that is all it seems that I can do right now. Well, I am only ranting because that is what i am pushed to seeing that very little people seem to care, or if they do they don't want to say anything to the fact, as to be sympathetic to someone for they feel the same way.. For they don't want to jeopardize what they have. GIVE ME BREAK and you know who you are. For once can some one just please do the right thing, other than me.. Well, hell that just like want to have it cold when its hot and hot when its cold here in Texas. 

Ok so this is the deal, i got wrote up the now yesterday for something that happened on Saturday. when it should have been addressed on Sunday and it was not. I makes me think that Asst. BOB (i will call him) is a CHICKEN SHIT... anyway. I was put on what wally world calls a D-Day all because I didn't put TD by a task that i was assigned by another associate which should be have been a manager. One, it was busier than shit that day, two of our fellow workers in the department most of the time were mm... lets see sent to the front end and to unload trucks... and management deiced it was fine for them to send one of them home 3 hours early. mm... so what is important or what do you think is important. the customer or you tasks? Well one would think the same as I the customer right mm wrong, the task then right, mm wrong. it is both according to management. or in this case the customer oh but yet they have gall to tell you have to take care of your task done no mater what. boys and girl its the task right ,, no no no say manger its the customer, ok but you just said the task is first no thats not it, the customer is, ok so the customer is first, no no no say the manger the task must be done no matter what... ok I AM SICK OF IT. Forget them.... your damned if you do and your damned if you don't... go fig. the walmart way... 

Oh, how true it is. i have doing some reading that's why am still up. and i have come to this conclusion. one, if you are a good little worker they will find a way to get ride of you because you are the one that will stay around and not advice up the walmart chain. so they must find away to get you to move on. so what better way to do this than to confuse the hell out of you. do this not that no, do that not this. and so on. 

you know i don't have a four year degree for Harvard but i am pretty damn smart because daddy didn't raise no fool. i know what they are doing i have figured it out for the most part. One i am not that much of conformist. i ask to many questions when things don't make since i.e. the whole task vs. customer. and no over time but you have to get done. is just another way of saying that you need to work through your break, and work till you can not run a registrar and system makes you take a meal break. oh and if you can work without pay to... Dum ASS....

OH DEAR WAL-MART HEAR MY CRY SCREW YOU BIND OVER MY FRIEND BECAUSE YOUR TIME IS COMING I KNOW IT WILL AND I WILL BE THERE TO SEE TOO. I WILL LAUGH IN YOU FACE AND SAY WHOS THE @#%! NOW...

I am sorry i always knew walmart was not a good company, and they have provded it yet again. I know people i am stuck were i am at lest for the moment I have FAITH IN GOD ALMIGHTY that He will take me in the direction that i need to go. I also know that he will deliver me from this hell called walmart. If you can not tell i am highly mad about this. And i have every right to be. but i do not wish the worst on them oh how i would but i know that it is not the right thing to do. But i do wish blessings upon them that cause pain to all of GODS children i pray that all wrong doings will come to pass 3 to 9 times fold to thous that preform the wrong doings.

one of the Blog entries tonight talked about something that started up north, that walmart was planing on doing this changing there work force to 80%(75%)part time works and 25%full time staff. Well i can see this in my store. well you just need to read it for yourself. http://www.walmartsucks.org/ and it was posted Thursday, December 20, 2007.
if nothing else you should read at lest that but the whole Blog is very enlightening. so check it out find out who you are really working for. As in another post said "Wal-Mart Corporate culture is one of contempt for Jews and remember Jesus was Jewish so they hate him too." from http://www.walmartsucks.org/ posted Friday, November 30, 2007 titled Looking for a lawyer to sue Wal-mart #11, Wal-mart's Supposed Contempt for Jews

and i leave you with one last thing, "Needless to say, if sam walton was alive today, he would be giving managers like that the pimp hand for being so stupid." http://www.walmartsucks.org/ posted Friday, September 28, 2007 titled At Wal-Mart, Satan's Rules Rule

Rant... grrrrrrr

ok i just have to get this off of my chest. I SO CAN NOT STAND TEENAGE HIGH SCHOOL CRAP. See that was not that bad, now was it and i didn't even say any bad words. :-)
I am not a young pup anymore thats for sure because my body reminds me of that everyday. But working out at Six Flags has reminded me of one thing how much i can not stand teenage antics. Just like any other place of business you will have your clicks sort of speak. You know what i am talking about here a group or groups of people that stick together for they think they have something in common. When in actuality they are just trying to fit in, so people will like them. you can find this type of behavior in all places even your local church. Oh yes i dare say it. I know you didn't like that. Well, it had be said. Lets just say I have learned this over the years and I do not put up with it. When you are apart of a click you do what mm you guessed boy's and girl's you gossip, AWWW what a mean thing for me to say. Well, I only say what is true, i to have been guilty of doing this now and in the past. I will just say this GET OVER YOUR SELF it dose not matter what anyone things of you, nor does it matter what you think about other people. You were put here do a job so do it, don't hinder thing and put more stress on your self than need be.. Don't judge someone when you first meet them for you know thing about them.

Ok, so what brought this on you ask well simple. I got this part time gig at Six Flags which is a blessing seeing that I am in need of some extra cash. But at the same time i don't think that it is really worth it. For when you walk in on your first day there and have to play 20 question with crazy chick that handles the uniforms, then go to your "location" and have a supervise which you have never meet look at you to SIZE you up like, i am your competition or something Please i am like 11 yrs your senior. I have a full time job i am not here for you i am here for your job, i am here for the guest.. GET OVER YOUR SELF you little college freshman. Oh, believe me if i would have said that given the chance, this time. I really don't care for i know i don't have anything to lose. Maybe he was just having a bad day, i guess i will find out when i go in tomorrow and if i do get the same look from him oh you better believe i will address it right then and there and in the open for all to see.. why.. well i guess a quote from one of my favorite movies, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES "Sorry girls i am older and i have more insurances." for thous of you that don't know the movie that is when she goes to the store and two young things take her parking spot and say "face it we're younger and faster".

Ok i am done and i will leave it at that.. for i could go on and on... I am just going to try to do what the Lord would, one i am going to pray about it. Two i will not have fear, three approach the problem with strong fierce words that are true.

Being Guided

Well, it has been a few days since my last post. I have been setting around thinking to my self mm i should write a new blog, but at the same time i was not sure as to what to write about, for nothing much as really gone on.. but i knew that if i was give the need to write, then something would come my way to give me the thing to write about. i was going to write about hope and faith and why they seem to be same thing at the same time. but some thing just struck me and so i think that i will tell you this instead.

At work everyday I see many people of all walks of life. From the very well off that you think why are they shopping here to the ones that have no home to call there own. I also see the very young to the very old, to the very health, to the very sick, (physically to mentally). Today i had the great pleaser of helping this really sweet older lady not woman but a lady big difference. any-way i digress, she new what she was looking for and she knew how she wanted to use it. I thought this was great for me at last all i would have do was steer her in the right direction and be on my way. Well, it was not that easy she may have known what see wanted, but she did not know what she really needed. So, here i am. So i start to guide her to the area that the product that she was really looking for was located. I had to go over the many different options that were available to her, we went back and forth a few time but we made it to the same page. For what she was needing and the product that would benefit her the best. Then we parted ways. The rest is history.

Well, it is not all history really, this is a great story about something that really happened to me today and when i go back and think about it, it looks a lot like what our Lord and Savior does for us. He knows deep down in side of us that we are looking for something, it is built into our DNA sort-of-speak. We all look for him and we know that we need something like Him in our lives but at the same time we don't know what we are looking for, till someone comes along to give us the guidens to get us closer to Him. we find the guidance that we need without knowing we are being guided toward our GOD and Savior. All the people that we meet in our lives be it brief moment or for a very long time, be it a member of our church home or person on the street. God is always giving us away to come home to him, he is always giving us the opportunity to see him in others and for other to him in us.

So, take the time from your day and look back at the people that you help or helped you, the ones that you come across, and see how it is that you could have been the one to show Gods love to someone. I am sorry but you can not say well i am not out going or i don't work with the public. Thats Bull Crap! the only way that is possible is if you are DEAD.. and if you are reading this you aren't hate to tell you that... ok ok ok I will get off of it..

Just remember that you have every chance in the world to change you and someone if it is just lending your ear, showing some interest in someone by saying hello how are you, or even showing some joy and kindness in your eyes...
So do me and the people a favor think about what you do be for you do it, be nice and kind and act from the heart not the mind for action of the heart are true and more meaningful than that of the mind. If nothing else remember this "Treat others with the same respect as you would have them treat you" and like my mama all ways said "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." I know this is harder to do than it is said but you can all ways try that is all ever ask of my friends and that is all God and Christ ever ask of you.

Fear what do you have to lose?

So, far this week I have noticed some underling things about life in general. At the church I go to we are celebrating the season of Lent. Which is the time span of 40 days up to the death are resurrections of Jesus Christ. Which my church is sending out daily devotionals that are not you typical devotional that you would find in any book, but it is still a devotional none the less. They are written by church members that are heavily involved in the church in someway, to me when I read them they seem to have an underling tone of sorts. Like Mondays for example," When I saw the Eagles, I was lifted up and was reminded of the verse from Isaiah: "...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."" Which tells me that no matter how darned we maybe no matter how hurt we are as in pain or by someone not to fear but have faith and trust and know that this will all be wiped away by our God and we will have strength and we will not have any pain, and well will move on from this. To walk with God is an amazing thing but at the same time is very difficult to do with the temptations that are all around us.

In Tuesdays devotional that was sent out "The essence of our faith is that the grave was not the end for Jesus and so is not the end for each of us." Gives meaning to what our walk with Jesus is like, during this time. We are taking a walk with him as he is giving his talks, working his last miracles during these 40 days. We all know how his life ended; we all know how it began, and what happened after he was hung on the cross to bear all of our sins. What we have little knowledge of is walking with him during that turbulent time during his last 40 days that he spent here with us before going home. I would like to think many bad thing may have happened and some good. When you take all in it can be very overwhelming. During this time he did many great things, one of those things was telling the messenger that came to warn him that king was out to have him killed, Jesus took this time not the same words as I am using to tell the messenger this, you can go now go back to your king tell him I have work that will complete and he is not going to stop the work that I must do. It was during this time that he did many great thing one of which was showing complete love and understanding of what must be done. At this point in his life he knew what his porous in life was, it was not to die in-vane, to die to show Jerusalem what love was and is, to you and me we know that God sacrificed his son for us all. But he did much more than that he gave us away as humans to communicate with Him and to know what true endearing love is.

Jesus came in to this world with noting we born in a manger with no cloths what so ever, he was born in to a family how was poor and had nothing to offer, he was greeted into this world by three wise men and give gifts for they knew he was the chosen one that was for told that would come to save Jerusalem. It is said to say that her people shunned him and didn't believe such nonsense, but the wise men knew of the greatness that he was and would become. The years between his birth and when his work began is very obscure meaning we do not no much at all about it, things started to change when he met up with John the Baptist; and boy ever did things change. John appears on off through the New Testament, he is strange men indeed but in his strangeness we can learn a lot from him. He knew of the coming of a great king that would save us all but his people deemed him as being crazy so that is how he comes across in the bible. As time pasted Jesus did many great thing like turning water to wine, walked on water, feed hundreds to thousands with one loaf of bread, and made fishers of men. He also brought the dead back to life, he healed the sick, and made the crippled to walk again. But I think that with his statement to that messenger was the most profound thing. For he had no fear nor know what fear was, he showed is followers and his people that with the love of God we should not have any fear of what is to come our way. For fear in its self is want can hinder you from walking with God, it can stop you from moving forward with your life. It can stop any thing good that might come your way.

Everyday we face the unknown; we wake each morning hoping that this day will be better than the last. But we as humans and children of God should not hope we should have the attitude that I will be a great day. I know that may seem hard for us to do for we all are prewired in someway to be fearful and to hope rather than to affirm that it will be. If we all just started to be more assertive in our actions and more positive about the thing that go on from day to day we notice a vase improvement in our lives. For what takes place today is not what will take place tomorrow or next week and so on, but if we are negative about things, are not assertive about our lives, and only hope we'll you get what you get, hope. Not that hope is a bad thing but if you never put power to your thoughts of hope nor give them life they will not come to pass.

So this the time that you need to stop what you are doing and look around you, take a real hard long look. Now that you have done that you will probably notice areas or times in our life where you were assertive and were positive example I will get my degree or I will marry this man or woman, I will have children. I know that some of you have made thus goals which they are commonly called, but to me they are actions. How you say really simple "I WILL" meaning that you are going to do this which is an action, in turn your were being you guessed it assertive about something that was or is important to you and that would bring a positive impact in your life. Ok now that we know about some of the things that Jesus did in is life and that all important moment of revelation about not having fear I think we can safely say this, fear is something in your life that stops you from loving and being loved it also keeps you from God. So try and look towards life as that of Jesus you might be surprised as to what good thing will come your way.

Just a little someum a someum

February 27, 2010

 

Wow, is all that I can really say. This day will for me anyway seeing that I am working overnight for the moment, is turning out to be very interesting. Over the past few months things for me have been changing and for the good as it would appear to me. And some of the things that have been happening I have came to an, oh duh, moment sort of speak. I have started to become closer to my God, and pray more often and thing started to happen for me which to normal people would not see, but that God does listen and does care as well as love us a great deal. Even though I am a gay male I know thing that some backward (so called christens) only clam they know because of what was told by them from the leader or pastor of there church. Today I learned from a dear friend that some scientist have discoed that there is a gene that everyone has but not everyone is plugged into it, dubbed the GOD gene, this does not mean that it gives you anything more than what you have it, is something that shows that the ones of us that are more intone with god tend to be plugged in to it sort of speak and the ones that don't what to have any part of religion no mater what it is are not. Interesting now the true question here is what makes the gene active for some and not others? Could it be the environment, could it be the way they were raised? Well only time will tell for sure but I do find it very interesting none the less. And you can Google GOD Gene and it will pull up a list of sites from which you can read to find out more. But a good one is the Wikipedia article as well as the TIME magazine one as well, there are many but the top ones are Wikipedia, time magazine, New York Times, and the Huffington post. But to make it easy have linked you to it the Google search. So in away seeking a higher power is built in us, and it is up to us to have faith and seek out that higher power. Which falls in line with a move that he wanted me to view last week called What the Bleep? If any of you get the time you need to see this movie, it is very in lighting about how we have the power as humans to change the out come of things but just being positive about it and by having a positive influence in our lives, with GOD or and fellow friend which is positive. I have seen this myself this week, for negative things whatever they may be such as a person or thought but for the most part it is people are repealed from which that they can no longer bring down. When one changes there mind set from memories of the past which involve pain to a learning and positive thing and not let them hold you back from what is to come in your life your brain starts to rewire its self to only feed in to that which is positive. Positive words and thoughts can also impact the things around right down to the water you drink and air you breathe, but that movie talks more about it and can explain it better I would think. I have seen this myself, for there is or was a person that was in my life that is always so negative about every little thing no matter what it was. Being the man that I am now and not letting things get to me and being more blunt than I have been (which I use to always be) told him to hit the road. I think that this throw him for a loop. For now he sees it import to talk bad about me and whatnot just to get a reaction which is not getting, he is slowly dying as in not being a round and running to the next thing that he can feed off of. It is amazing how just being who you truly are can effect the people around you, one they will not notice for that is something that they have always seen, two they ran in fear of it, or three they work hard to try and make you be negative like them once again and live in fear.

It really amazes me how much my attitude has change since once again seeking the Face of My GOD. I seem to have more tolerance for people around me then I once did. I also seem not to have time for the ones that are always trying to bring me down. I know that I will have pitfalls in my life this is a given but how you handle them is not a given, you can be negative about it or you can be positive about and thank God for giving you the ability to learn and grow stronger from it. For a great woman in my family once said, "God will never give you more than you can handle at any given time" Grandma Dear. And another taught me to do this, "When things get to a point that you can no longer handle the burden that God has given you look to the Lord and hand him what you can not possible carry any longer." When you as person look toward God going why me lord why me, you are having the wrong attitude toward yourself and toward that of God; you should be going to him in thanks not crying in sham and pity, for giving him thanks and love you will find in your life that the things you once didn't see as good turn out to be good and visa versa. God works in very strange ways, this is for sure but I know this he wants us to Cry out to him not in pain but in love, he wants us be lights for him in place which that need his light to shine.

There were two thing that have read this past day and they were; "Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;" -Philippians 2:14-15 (KJV) and "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."- John 14:27. These two versus speak volumes to me and others alike. I do not take them for there literal meaning but for what they say behind the words. The Word of God is speaking to the your sprit not to you the human, it is giving your soul the nourishment that it needs in order to live and help you live with and through God. So take the things that he has said unto you and go forth with love and companion let you light shine and don't be afraid and bite thy tong so ye may know the good from which are your troubles. For the Lord God his here with you now and always, so you have not reason to fear have peace in your sprit, heat, and mind. Say now wrong doing towards the wrong dowers for they have what is coming for them just as you have what is coming for you, you are not a judge nor are you meant to be for that is the role of our Mighty God and Savior.

Rev. D